Book Review: FACTS Uncensored

A few years ago, my husband and I had the pleasure of meeting Dante and Renetta Wesley. We were invited to participate in a weekend of events, including a golf tournament, football camp, and afterparty at their home by one of my husband's business associates in exchange for our assistance with marketing and promotions. I've never been enamored much with celebrities. However, there was something about this couple that peaked my interest more than any other celebrities I've met over the years. For all that they have, they were so very down to earth and humble. We visited their home after another event a few weeks later and, eventually, Dante became a part of my husband’s sports talk radio show. They always made us feel at home. I didn't understand what it was about them that drew me in until I read their book, FACTS Uncensored.

Why I Don't Remember...

My husband and I had a discussion while we on the road the other day. We have DEEP discussions, especially on long drives. I love it! Not sure how we got on the subject, but somehow we began to discuss things we've done in the past that might have been hurtful to each other. Whenever we have discussions like this, I find that I just can't seem to remember EVERYTHING my husband has done to disappoint or hurt me. Don't get me wrong, I can remember major hurts and disappointments, but the little things, I just can't seem to recall them on the spot and I really don't care to.

What I Did Wednesday...

It's another day in the life of ME!!  Living a gracious, grateful life regardless of what the circumstances look like.

6am to 7:15am
Get up, get up... Get up, get up...

My alarm goes off...Thank you, Lord for waking me up.

I look over at my hubby. Thank you, Lord for him. Thank you for waking him up.

We read devotion together and discuss the topic, "Serving Each Other". Thank you, Lord for Quality time together in Your word.  Thank you for allowing us to pray together daily and start our day off right.

Life is Like a Butterfly...

I can truly testify to this quote. My life has been a series of ups and downs. I've gone forward and backwards and side to side. I've ridden the proverbial roller coaster ride and like a ship in a raging storm, I've felt tossed to and fro.

But God!

Thank God for His deliverance! He reached down and tugged at the heart of a six year old little girl who, through tears, believed and accepted Him into her heart. And although it has taken me years to truly mature in Christ, I know He has always been there by my side guiding and protecting me along the way.

This quote also reminds me of one of our recent devotions. Our assignment was to choose new terms of endearment for each other. My husband chose to call me his butterfly. When asked why he chose that term, he said that he had referred to our marriage as a butterfly...

Our marriage is like a butterfly.  The start was ugly but it had to go through its cocoon stage before it became a butterfly. ~Cedric E Lyons, Sr.

I never thought of it like that. That's that deep thinker in him. LOL

But he's right. Do you know that during the metamorphosis of the caterpillar, it actually digests itself before transforming into a butterfly? In comparison, our marriage was ingested, chewed up, and spit out.

We did not value our marriage.

We didn't value each other.

We did not value the covenant we made before God.

We did not respect the Lord or trust that He was in control of everything.

We let go. But we did not let God for a long time.

But then something happened.

We began to truly feast on God's word.

Not only did we feed on it. We began to ingest it and apply the wisdom that was there from the beginning. Through His word, through the people He placed in our lives - our senior pastor, our pastor of counseling, our couples mentors, our spiritual growth group - our eyes were opened to a new understanding of the gift and purpose God had given us through our marriage.

With His word as our guide, with Him as our protector, and with our spiritual family, we were able to let go of fear and push through with courage until finally, we broke through the cocoon and emerged fresh and brand new.

God did that for us.

He turned an ugly caterpillar of a marriage into a soaring, beautiful, majestic marriage that can bring Him honor and glory.

Life is like a butterfly... You go through changes before you become something beautiful.

Never has a quote been so true to life for me as this one. I praise God for everything. Without Him, I would be nothing. With Him, I can spread my wings and fly like a butterfly.

Let the Work Begin...

It's a few days post delivery of my daughter and granddaughter to the airport so they could return to their home in Tucson. They arrived safely and are getting acclimated to their new home.  We also did a road trip to return our son to college in Beaumont. He was the last to leave for the holiday and the first to return to his dorm so he had the place all to himself for a day. When we returned home, our oldest was heading to his home. Our youngest overnighted with a friend for the weekend.  The house was soooooooo quiet! Just me and my honey.  We'd talked about this day and I thought I was ready but... I buried my head in his chest and balled like a baby. Now what do we do?

I mean don't get me wrong. I enjoy alone time with my husband. He's my best friend and we've grown a lot in the past few years.  But I'm not just a wife, I'm a mom and a grandmom... For the most part, I enjoy the hustle and bustle, chatter, and even the sounds of electronics coming from every room in our home. I miss seeing my daughter in her role as a mom and wife; nursing, making homemade baby food, cloth diapering, and looking for bargains for her family. I miss my lil puddin pop discovering her surroundings. I miss her laughter and even her cries... 

But I digress!

A Suitable Helper

I joined a wonderful group of wives on Facebook. I love the support and encouragement we give one another. We share ups and downs and we even get a little feisty, giving each other ideas on how to make our bedrooms sizzle.  It's one of the best groups I've joined and even if I don't contribute all the time, I pop in to enjoy the conversations.  I usually don't share outside of the group, but this one discussion had my heart for some reason. The question on the floor was...

Why?

• Why does it seem like we as wives have to make everything better in our marriages? 
• Why do we have to initiate everything? 
• Why do we have to make sure everything is taken care of?
• Why is it always wives who seem to get the short end of the stick? 

From newlyweds to seasoned women, many wives are frustrated, tired, and downright fed up with trying to make their marriages right. We are challenged at every turn. We're not Mrs. Cleaver or Claire Huxtable so when things fall apart and we want to throw in the towel, we're to blame because the marriage failed. Sound familiar? We, pray, we cry, we pray, then we cry some more. Why?

Top 10 "Honey-Do" Lists

Have you ever created a "honey-do" list for your spouse? How did things turn out? Were your requests reasonable or impossible feats that only Superman could complete? Was your husband enthusiastic because your requests were within his abilities to do or was he resentful and slow to get started because the requests were out of his league?

I know we believe our husbands can do anything. Afterall, they are our heroes! However, I've learned over the years that people (especially men) do what they WANT to do, not what they're told to do. 

Think about the last time you asked your husband to do something around the house. Was it tailored to his personality?  Is he the DIY type or does he prefer to pay someone else to make repairs to your home? Does he really enjoy landscaping or is he satisfied with just mowing the lawn, nothing more, nothing less? 

Couples Devotion & Prayer Time

I enjoy reading - a lot. Especially, books on self-improvement and encouragement in my Christian walk. When I got married, I just assumed that my husband and I would spend time in God's word together. I mean, we met in church, I heard him speak intelligently about the Lord and I read his writings about the Word of God. I just knew that I would be bathed in the Word when we got married.

Not!

Although my husband said he had personal devotion time, he was not always comfortable having devotion with me.  I would buy book after book and beg him to have devotion together.  He made an attempt a few times but it wasn't consistent. We were dealing with a number of issues during our early years of marriage and his heart just wasn't there.  It wasn't until we were on the verge of ending it all that it clicked. We were missing something very important in our marriage.  Spending time in God's word, not just personally, but together.

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 8

Prayer for Spiritual Growth In Marriage

Lord, we learned You have guaranteed spiritual growth for every true believer. Thank You! I pray and ask that as we seek to pursue spiritual growth individually, that it will continue to increase our spiritual growth as a couple. Thank You for your grace and mercy as we seek after the things that are pleasing to You. Thank You for the blessings we experience because we know and trust You with our lives as we are transformed daily. Please help us continue to mature and live consistently under Your leadership and guidance in all that we do. In Your Son's Precious Name, we pray. Amen.

Verse of the Day

Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, (1 Peter 2:2 NASB)

Food for Thought

What is spiritual growth and how will having it affect my marriage? That was a question I asked myself when my husband and I signed up for spiritual growth class at our church. We were separated and I was seriously contemplating divorce. Nothing seemed to be going right and we were pretty much done.

But God.

So, what is spiritual growth? The short answer is... 

More of Christ being expressed in my life through less of me.

Hmmmm. Simple, yet complex. Selfishness and self-centeredness have no place in the Christian life or in marriage. Yet, this is where many problems begin. These two words have a major affect on whether we will grow and mature or stay stagnant and immature in our faith and our marriage.

Understanding the purpose of spiritual growth is critical to our development as Christians. ~Dr. Tony Evans

I believe it is also essential to our development in how we relate to each other in our marriages. I could not have imagined that after only 12 weeks of bible study, individually and together, that our marriage would've done a 360.

But God.

We focused on the pursuit of spiritual growth and in turn, although not perfect, we've been blessed with a marriage the Lord can be happy with and use for His glory one day. We stopped focusing on what we want for ourselves and started focusing on what God wants.  With the spiritual growth class, we were also blessed with a support system of other believers who had been where we were and who we could call on when we felt like giving up.

Put it this way. We begin our marriages with God at the center. We stand at the altar and we take vows and make a commitment before the Lord. As life goes on, the Lord gets put aside when He should always be before us and in the center of all we do. Spiritual growth reminds us and give us the opportunity to know Him better, experience Him deeper, and love Him more so that we can have marriages that bring Him the honor and glory He expects.

Resources for Spiritual Growth:
Life Essentials, Dr. Tony Evans
Spiritual Growth Course, Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship Church

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 7

Prayer for Faithfulness & Affair Proofing Your Marriage
Dear Heavenly Father, unfortunately, the issue of infidelity is an ongoing issue in many marriages today. It's no wonder with technology giving easy access to sexual images and connecting people who wouldn't otherwise make acquaintances. The ability to create profiles and attract the wrong element into their lives is ever growing. Lord, I pray that you will protect our bodies, minds, and spirits from all temptations to be unfaithful in our marriages. Help us remember we have a covenant with You to remain faithful to our spouse, not just a commitment or a contract that can be withdrawn or voided because we're unhappy or think the grass is greener on the other side. Help us be satisfied with who you have given us and do what it takes to stay connected to each other, not keeping intimacy from one another, giving place to the devil to rob us of what you meant to be holy and undefiled. We thank you for your grace and mercy for those who have already fallen into temptation but who are trying to rebuild their marriages. Be with them, Lord, and give them the strength, wisdom, and understanding so they can make it through. Whether they were the unfaithful spouse or the one who was wronged, give them the courage to fight for their marriage day by day. In your Son, Jesus' precious name, I pray and ask it all. Amen.

Verse of the Day
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Food for Thought
I don't know if you've ever felt betrayed by someone you believed would never hurt you. I have. In my first marriage, I was betrayed and, out of immaturity, I became a betrayer. I didn't have a healthy view of marriage and didn't care. I just knew I wanted out...by any means necessary. But in my current marriage, because I know the true meaning of marriage and I'm under the great teaching of a man who not only preaches the word, but lives it, I have a different attitude and commitment to being a woman of honor and faithfulness to my husband. In spite of the ups and downs, I know that my marriage is not a contract between me and my husband, but a covenant before my Heavenly Father. My marriage commitment is not something I want to play with or take lightly because what happens in my marriage is a direct reflection on my Father above.

I don't get it right all the time. Like I told my small group members the other day, I'm still a "hot chili pepper" and my mouth gets me into a lot of trouble with my husband. But one thing I dare say is that when it comes to being intimate and sharing my body, mind, and spirit, there is only one man who gets that privilege until death do us part.  I trust that my husband feels the same way. I pray for him everyday because I know the temptation to be unfaithful is real. There are opportunities everywhere. But I trust that God, who remains faithful, will continue to help my husband in this area, too.

Here are some resources to look into if you've experienced infidelity in your marriage and to affair proof it for the future:

• Affair Proof Your Marriage-Family Life Today
• His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
• Your Marriage Counselor on Infidelity
• Protect Your Marriage from Affairs-Marriage Missions

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 6

Prayer for Overcoming Obstacles & Strongholds in Marriage
Lord, you know the challenges each one of us faces. Please give us the strength, grace, courage, and wisdom we need to endure and overcome the obstacles and strongholds that exist in our lives. Help us to remember that our spouse is not our enemy and we should be daily fighting in the heavenly realm through prayer for our marriages. Our enemy, the devil, seeks to kill, steal, and destroy what You have brought together. Help us to recognize his tactics and put on Your full armor to be able to withstand his attacks. Thank You for always being our Mighty Fortress and Strong Tower! Thank You in advance for what you will do for marriages struggling in this area. Not our will but Your will be done! In Jesus' name. Amen.

Verse of the Day
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Food for Thought

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.

The above is The Full Original Copy of the Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971). Nearly every organization that deals with overcoming strongholds has this prayer in their arsenal to use for combating the issue at hand. Whether it's struggling with fear, your past, low self esteem, addiction, codependency, or otherwise, this is one of those prayers you want to have ready and available at your fingertips, especially when you talk about overcoming obstacles and strongholds. The good thing is, you are not alone. Everyone has gone through or will go through something. No matter your race or financial status, age or religion, we all face challenges. What matters is what you hold onto in the midst of those challenges.

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny. ~Mahatma Ghandi

I love this quote. There are many versions but the gist of it, the basis, is to keep your thoughts positive because they make a difference in how you respond to things and how you will spend your life in the midst of your trials and storms. As we all know, there will be good, bad, and sho nuff ugly times in our marriages.  Negative emotions and stress, worry, bitterness, unforgiveness... These things do not build yourself or your marriage. They will destroy it! Satan knows this all too well so he messes with your mind to get you off track. Don't allow the enemy to turn your spouse into an enemy. Fight Him through the Power of Prayer consistently. Even though on the surface it doesn't seem things are getting better, just know The Lord is working everything out on your behalf.

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 5

Prayer for Becoming One in Marriage - From "Me" to "We"
Lord, years of being focused on self can make it tough to relinquish our will and our way to our spouse. The idea of "bowing down" and humbling ourselves to another person's desires that don't match up to what we want is not always what we want to do. However, because it is Your desire that we become one in our marriage, we ask and pray that You will give us the wisdom and peace that surpasses all understanding when those times arise. Help us with our speech and behaviors that don't reflect You and Your will for our marriage or show love and respect for our spouse. Help us learn to release our will to Your will and our way to Your way so that we can move from "me" to "we" and ultimately, give glory and honor to You as a living example to others. Help us open our eyes to what You would have us to do together as one for Your purpose. I pray and ask all these things in Your Son's name. Amen.

Verse of the Day
And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, 'F OR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH '? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:4-6 NASB)

Food for Thought
...Marriage superglues you to your partner; you are no longer “me” but “we”. In God’s marriage math, one plus one equals one. ~Time of Grace Devotional

Superglue? Have you ever gotten superglue stuck to your fingers? It literally takes extreme measures, almost an act of God, to get that stuff off! It bonds to you and "becomes one" with your skin. So much so that when you finally get it off, you can see a replica of your fingerprint. That's what I thought of when I read the quote above. When we get married, we bond together like superglue so that we are, first, a replica of God, and in turn, form a replica and reflection of our spouse. We may not always think alike or have the same opinions about certain issues, but we do think in terms of, and in consideration, of our spouse so that when it gets down to the nitty gritty, we are one in how we move forward. It's not always easy, but I believe as long as we continue to try, one day we will get there the way God intended.

It's not a question whether we will become one, it's a matter of time. It takes time and effort and OBEDIENCE on our part. It takes commitment and sacrifice even when the circumstances aren't looking quite in our favor. I know that I, personally, can be super stubborn when I KNOW I'm right about something.

But God!

Ultimately, God is the master weaver in how we go from me to we in our marriage. Staying constantly on our knees in communication with Him, asking for wisdom, understanding, and being open to His guidance through His word and the vessels He chooses to place in our lives (Counselors, Pastors, Mentor Couples), is how we will move closer to going from "Me" to "We".  The Lord knows how to make one plus one equal one!

As we go into the season and a new year, what are some of the ways you can make God's mathematical equation a reality in your marriage?

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 4

Prayer for Blended Families
Lord, I know you have a heart for blended families. So much so that You allowed Your Son, Jesus, to be born into a blended family! Thank you for your compassion towards us, because although we don't always get it right, with your help we continue to strive.  May you bring peace to the families who are struggling. Please give them wisdom and bring them to people and/or ministries who have compassion towards them to help them grow together in unity.  For those who are finding their way or who have found their way through the challenges so many blended families face, please help them remember to help those who are just starting out by mentoring and praying for them consistently. Thank you for providing a home for children without biological fathers and/or mothers in the home to train them up in the way they should go. Help those "bonus" parents and children accept and love each other in order to glorify you. Continue to bless and protect their homes from the seen and unseen. In Your Son's precious name, I pray. Amen.

Verse of the Day
By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. (Proverbs 24:3-4)

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” (Romans 15:7)

Food for Thought
Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. - Unknown

I was a single mom for over 10 years.  I thought when I finally remarried, the road of life would be less challenging.  After all, my husband and I were friends for many years, I knew his kids, he knew mine, WE were in love...what could possibly go wrong? If you only knew!

Honestly, I really didn't know what I would write today. I just knew that I wanted to pray for blended families during this time because I know from experience how difficult, yet, how rewarding having a blended family can be. It's been a blessing to watch the kids grow up and come into their own. It's been great to share in their good and bad times - together as a family.  I was just thinking about how much I love when the holidays come around and I hear kids are coming in from college and I have to figure out who's sleeping where and how much food will we need... All that good old stuff.  Then I think about the rough patches we had and some that we still struggle with... When it's all said and done, the good really outweighs the bad.

In the midst of it all, God has directed and redirected our family and our marriage - when we have aligned ourselves with Him. THAT has been the key to making it through the journey because without Him, NOTHING would be possible. Without Him, I probably would've thrown in the towel a long time ago.  Trust me, I was on the brink of no return at one point.  I KNOW my husband would've been finished!

But God! 

Through prayers and mentoring of other couples, spiritual growth classes, counseling, meeting with our ministry leaders and our lead shepherd, we have traversed the wilderness of our lives headed toward the promised land of blended family bliss. :-)  I say again, we're nowhere near perfect. We still have some mountains to climb, but, with the Lord by our side, I trust and believe things will work out for the best. Like the quote says above, we may not be blood, but we're still a family.  We may not like each other sometimes, but that doesn't erase the love we have for each other. We have been blessed with a "bonus" family.

If you are part of a blended family, or are thinking about becoming one, please pray for wisdom, and read up on the issues you may face and pray together as a family to guard yourselves against being a statistic. If you find yourself struggling, find a mentor couple or a blended family ministry and get counseling to help guide you through the ups and downs. Your family is worth it!

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 3

Prayer for Biblical Purpose in Marriage
Lord, we realize that our lives are about something bigger than ourselves. You created us for a purpose that glorifies and honors you. Today, we pray and ask that You will bring us together to discover our common vision and the purpose You have for us in this life. We trust that You know the plans You have for us. Help us to abide in You so we can hear You clearly, gain wisdom and understanding for what You would have us to do, and live out our biblical purpose. Lord, protect us from the enemy who seeks to kill, steal, and destroy what you have brought together to fulfill Your purpose. Let us not allow attacks, distractions, or discouragement from others keep us from doing Your will. We pray and ask it all in Your Son Jesus' precious name. Amen.

Verse of the Day
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3)

Food for Thought
During our marriage, we have gone through some "THANGS"!  We have dealt with a number of issues that come as a result of divorce and remarriage.  It has been a tough road, but instead of heading to "Divorce Court", we chose a biblical and healing separation to work on ourselves, our spiritual growth, and our marriage. During our separation, my husband would wake me each morning with a devotional via email and phone. He would read the devotional, copy and paste it along with scripture and his own commentary, email it to me, and then call me to read it to me and discuss. We spend anywhere from an hour to two, sometimes three, talking about what we learned and how we apply what we learned in our marriage. We continue to do this to this day!

One of the devotionals we went through is One by Jimmy Evans. It is one of THE best devotionals we've gone through by far and we've gone through many! One particular day, the devotion focused on "Common Vision". We talked about scheduling a vision retreat in order to "get away and spend time praying and talking together about every area of our lives—children, finances, schedules, romance, spirituality, friends, extended family, etc". We want to experience coming away from the retreat with a common vision to guide us through the year. (We're still in the planning stages!)

The truth is, your life is about something bigger than yourself. You were created by a great God to do something bigger and beyond “you.” Finding God’s purpose for your life together is one of the key foundations of peace and fulfillment in marriage. ~Jimmy Evans

Rather than copy the devotional, CLICK HERE for a link to share with your spouse and consider it for yourself. Pay special attention to the action items!

I've learned you don't have to be perfect to live out your purpose.  We are all still works in progress! However, be willing to be a vessel and stay in constant prayer in order to hear clearly what the Lord wants you to do.

Have a GREAT day!

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 2

Prayer for our Roles in Marriage
Heavenly Father, we come before You once again thanking You for being our Creator. We thank You for Your divine order. Thank you for giving us a spouse to love and respect while we are here on this earth. Today, we pray that we will always keep You in the center of our marriages, through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Help us remember our commitment to You and to each other as Kingdom men and women. Grant us the wisdom to clearly understand the importance of our roles within marriage and apply what we have learned in our daily walk together. Help us be a shining light in this world and allow our testimony to help others come to know and grow in You.

Verse of the Day
Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:15, 18 NASB)

Food for Thought

Many of us have learned about and know our roles in marriage well. We know where to find the scriptures and how to point out what our spouse should be doing. However, the lack of application of what we have learned as it applies to ourselves causes the breakdown in many areas of our marriages. On our wedding day, our Pastor, Dr. Tony Evans, gave us this challenge:

If you are God's kind of man and you are God's kind of woman, you will have God's kind of marriage.

Therefore, the opposite is also true:

If you are not God's kind of man and you are not God's kind of woman, you will not have God's kind of marriage.

The Lord is very clear about our roles in marriage from the very beginning. Husbands, think about the responsibility of provision for your family and the responsibility to "protect and serve" your wife. Wives, what does it mean to be a "helper suitable for him"? How are you applying God's word to uphold your responsibilities so that you can be God's kind of man and God's kind of woman, so you will have God's kind of marriage?

12 Days of Fasting & Prayer for Marriages - Day 1

Prayer for the Institution of Marriage

Father God in Heaven, we come today thanking you for who You are. Thank You for creating the institution of marriage. Thank You for laying the foundation and giving us guidelines to live by for our marriages. Lord, today, we pray for the institution of marriage. Give us the strength and desire to have marriages that honor You. Help us remember why You created the institution of marriage and what it should look like. Help us trust and believe that since You are the Creator of marriage, that the application of Your guidelines will help us have marriages that bring glory to Your name. We pray and ask all these things in Your Son, Jesus' name. Amen.

Verse of the Day
“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” - James 1:5 (NASB)

Food for Thought
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” - Maya Angelou

I love this quote. It's simple and to the point. A lot of people get married with the right heart and the right intentions. They love each other and they want to live happily ever after. But most people, as they stand at the altar, take for granted the reality that marriage entails. It's not all roses and happiness all the time. It takes hard work and commitment to make it work and most marriages fail because they don't know any better.

The Creator of marriage has laid all the groundwork for us in His word and if you apply what He says, eventually, you'll have a marriage like He intended for you. The problem is we want to use God's word according to our will, not His, and that's where things go astray.

Marriage is a commitment and a covenant before God, not a contract that can be null and voided. When you study and learn more about what God says about marriage and apply what you've learned, you will do marriage better.

In your quiet time today, commit to study what God says about the institution of marriage. Discuss with your spouse how what you know helps you do better.

Fasting & Prayer for Marriage

My husband I just finished One: a 52-day marriage devotional by Jimmy Evans.  It has been one of the best things we could do for our marriage! We went on a quest to find a new bible study and devotion for fasting and praying for marriage. The search began after a conversation about what we want for our lives, for our marriage, and for our family.  

It got me thinking...

The first thing I want, of course, is to be a better Christian, to grow spiritually everyday, and give God the glory in all I do. I'm not perfect but I'm glad I have grace and new mercies everyday to become more aligned with The Lord in every way.

Secondly, I want to be a better wife and I want to have a healthy marriage for us and for our immediate and extended family... But what does that look like?  

Finally, I want to be a good steward of all that God has given us. I'm not just talking about finances. I'm talking about our lives, our marriage, our family, our finances, our businesses... 

Everything.

Even though we've only been married a short while, we believe the Lord is preparing our testimony based on the good, bad, and ugly experiences in our marriage so we can be a blessing to others.  

We began searching for a guide to fasting and prayer for marriage. I, personally, have done the 31-day prayer for my husband several times. We even signed us up for a his and her devotional called Praying For Him/Praying for Her (which we are going through now). Between the both of us, we've read nearly all of Stormie Omartian's Power of Praying books, Jimmy Evans' Marriage on the Rock, and so many more.

This time we want to do things differently. 

We are praying specifically, studying, and asking God which direction we should go.

If we are led to do an online fast and prayer for marriage, my blog will include input from my husband. He wants to be a part and, why not?  We are one and although we are not perfect in our own marriage relationship, we should definitely do this together. We've learned a lot by having daily devotions and going to spiritual growth class together and we've already seen a shift in the atmosphere surrounding our relationship.

As we grow, we want to help others grow.  As we overcome obstacles, we want others to overcome. As we experience the supernatural in our lives and our marriage, we want others to experience the same. We don't just want to selfishly pray for each other, for OUR marriage, and OUR family. We want to pray for others as well. 

We came across several daily guides from 4 day to 40 day devotionals.  The closest guide we found is the 40 day fasting and prayer guide started by Unveiled Wife. However, as we continue to discuss and pray about the direction we should go, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we would like to focus our prayers on having healthy marriages and we want to share what the Lord has laid on our hearts through our experiences to share with others.

Our prayer is to begin our journey in the next few months and we pray others will make a commitment to join us. 

Please pray for us as we prepare.

If you're committed to fasting and prayer for marriages, and you are so led to join us, please take time out to post a comment below or contact us privately. 

What specific clarity are you seeking from God at this time? 

Please let us know how we can pray for you and think about what you will be fasting from once we begin this journey.  In your quiet time, take some time to write out your prayer so you can reflect on it at the end of the fast. Ask the Lord to speak to your situation and give you the strength to endure.

If you're unclear about what fasting is, please view the following:

The Importance of Fasting by Dr. Tony Evans

#Kingdom Woman... Amazing

I've had a busy day today but I just want to say that God is so amazing. I woke up this morning in a different place.  Still kind of reeling from the past few days. We really haven't been reading our couples' devotional as often as we should. But we decided to take a look before we started our day. Low and behold what did we see when we opened up our devotional this morning?  Click on the link below to see for yourself and you tell me!

Dr. Dobson's Married Couples Devotional - Aug. 10 - Saturday, August 10, 2013

Not only that, one of the first posts I saw on Facebook right before I started writing this blog was one of praise for single parenthood.  So what do you think now?  I'm not crazy!  Isn't the Lord Amazing?!

#KingdomWoman... Confirmation

One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite gospel artists is 'Your Steps Are Ordered' by Fred Hammond. That song comes to mind strongly as I read and write this today. This is a long one so bear with me!

One thing I never do is claim to know the mind of God and I don't lean to my own understanding about His plans. What I do understand is The Lord nudges us all in different ways and provides us with simple guideposts and 'signs', if you will, to direct our paths. He does amazing things to get us where He wants us to go. We just have to be aligned with what He wants for us and ready to receive when He presents opportunities and blessings.

Since Wednesday, my days have literally been a nonstop roller coaster ride. I decided to volunteer for a women's business conference for an organization I've been following since 2005. It's my 'model' organization and one reason I created NBWEN. However, unlike the founder of this particular organization, I allowed life with all it's distractions and discouragement, to take me off track and slowly, my desire to inspire has tapered off and not gone in its intended direction. But that's another story for another day.

When I choose to volunteer, it's two-fold. First and foremost, I love to serve, I love to help, and I love to encourage. So once I got the volunteer bug, there was no stopping it. I took a sabbatical from serving only because I got married and my focus has been on our new family dynamics for the past few years. My home is my first ministry and if that's not right, I literally can't function in any other capacity. It's like my brain puts on the brakes. So now that things are 'smoother' at home this year, I've decided to get back into the swing of things. One blessing is that my marriage allows me more freedom in some ways to do more than I could before. It also helps that my kids are older, too, so I don't have to be 'anxious and worried' about them all the time (I should've anyway!).

The second reason I volunteer is because I like meeting people, not just for business, but just getting to know folks from different walks of life and to share ideas, encouragement, and support outside my usual circle of influence. I've had the opportunity to meet some fantastic people through volunteering. I've been inspired and I hope I've inspired others I've come in contact with as well. If I just planted one seed of encouragement for someone that can sprout and grow, I'm happy and I feel I succeeded in sharing my gift.

In this instance, however, the opportunity to serve allowed ME to be blessed in more ways than I can mention in one short blog. The fact that I was able to listen to inspirational speakers who boldly spoke about their faith in Jesus Christ to overcome adversity was awe-inspiring. I've left everyday with my head in the clouds! But the one person who I was really drawn to has really got me thinking and I can't wait to work with her.

On Thursday, my assignment was to 'check on the vendors' and make sure everyone was doing well. Who told them to do that? An opportunity to freely NETWORK while serving?!! I don't know about anyone else, but this is where I felt God's hand moving for me. Now, I brought three business cards with me because I came to work, not network, and I gave those cards to the ladies I was serving with! I didn't even bring my purse because I just knew I would be running around WORKING, not networking! Lol So here I am, a businesswoman networking with no business cards and not even an option to get any from my purse... What was I thinking? I should always, always be prepared, and usually I am, but this time was different...

I proceeded to my assignment. I picked up information from various vendors, saw some business owners I'm linked to on LinkedIn or Facebook, but when I got to this one vendor booth near the end of my trek, a smiling face ushered me in... Her words echoed a conversation me and my husband had the night before. Not only that, she dug even deeper into some things I'd only spoken to the Lord about. It was like she had been a fly on the wall of my life and I had to sit down before I fainted. I cannot even explain the overwhelming feeling I had when this woman spoke to me in biblical terms about what is going on in my life at this moment. All I could do is be still and listen to her pour into me. 

Now, I don't know why this happened and I'm not questioning God... But I actually did ask Him a few questions... Some things have happened in the past few weeks that would probably drive other people insane but all I asked is for The Lord to show me what is happening spiritually that's affecting me physically... and He gave me an answer through this lady and her words. Not only did He speak a word through her on Thursday but I ran into her AGAIN today and she had more to share with me.  I do believe the Lord gave me very specific confirmation on some things and all I can say is thank you, Lord. I'm listening and I believe I'm on the right track!

Have you ever had that 'aha' moment when the Lord has confirmed something deep inside of you?

#KingdomWoman... Her Badge of Honor

What is a badge of honor?

My husband follows my blog. I'm so encouraged by his support and though we have our differences in opinion at times, I appreciate that he's not a 'yes man'. I believe he appreciates that I'm not a 'yes woman', too.  We boldy state the truth and don't sugar coat things just to make someone else feel better. Over the past eight months or so, we've learned to be more transparent with each other, which means when something bothers us, we don't hide our feelings, but try our best to lay everything out on the table and discuss it. We actually have weekly "come to Jesus" meetings (for business and personal) where we air out the good, bad, and ugly that we may not have been able to discuss in our daily talks.

With that said, the last post I wrote invoked an interesting conversation regarding my 'badge of honor'. The gist of it was that it kind of bothers my husband when I harp on the fact that I was a single mom because "I's married now". He mentioned that he feels like I wear the single mom status as a badge of honor and it's as if that part of my life is more important than my current status as a wife and mom. Huh?

I explained to him that it's not that it's more important but that I'd been through many trying experiences in different stages as a woman and a mother and that what I planned to write in my book will be a reflection of those experiences and how God brought me through. It's an encouragement to others, not necessarily a badge of honor for just one part of my life. I don't know if he completely understands where I'm coming from but I'm glad we talked about it. Based on our conversation, saying I'm a 'former' single mom vs I 'was' a single mom translates better to him. I still don't see the difference really, but I'll say it if it makes him feel better (men are some interesting creatures!) Lol

Anywho, there are a lot of us 'former' single moms out here who need to encourage those who are still in the midst of this season of their life. I don't know about any others, but it was a struggle at times and a true test of my faith more times than I care to count, especially with three boys. I'm grateful for the strength The Lord gave me and the many people He sent to support and encourage me and mentor the kids. We were truly blessed by those people who didn't look down on us but lifted us up. 

When we took our spiritual gifts assessment, I was told that my strongest spiritual gift is that of encouragement and The Lord put it on my heart to encourage others in this area so I cannot be disobedient when it comes to giving my testimony. I even met a lady at a business conference today who said to me clearly that I have some hidden talents buried within... Shame on me for not developing those talents and multiplying what God has given me for His glory!  It's time to come out of the shell and shine the light. 

So what is your badge of honor?  What is MY badge of honor?  My badge of honor is that even with all my failures, faults, and flaws, I'm still a Kingdom Woman. I'm a Proverbs 31 Woman and I'm a Titus 2 Woman... and so are you. It's our turn to be people who lift others up and allow our "misery to be our ministry" (thanks for that quote Chrystal Hurst!).