How I keep finding myself out front when I’m perfectly comfortable in the background.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written on my blog.
A really long time.
Every now and then I think about getting back to it, because I actually miss writing. I used to write when something hit me. A thought, an experience, something I was working through, or just something I wanted to say.
Maybe I’ll start doing that again.
I could say I’m going to write once a month, but I know me. 😂 Maybe once a month is a good place to start. Or maybe I’ll just write when I have something worth writing about.
Like today.
Here’s something about me that people have a hard time believing:
I’m an introvert.
Seriously.
I know my life may suggest otherwise, but I really am.
I don’t like large crowds. I’m usually not going to be the first person to walk up and introduce myself. I can do it. I have done it. I will do it when I need to.
But I don’t like it.
There’s a difference.
Put me one-on-one with somebody and I’m good. Put me with a small group of people and I’m good there too. I like actually getting to know people. I like real conversations.
Put me in a room full of people I don’t know and tell me to go mingle?
Yeah...no. 😂
The funny thing is, life keeps putting me out front.
Somehow I’ve ended up in leadership roles. I facilitate meetings. I attend conferences. I network. I’ve been the voice behind a radio station. I’ve even been a voice on an actual radio show.
And now I’m in a Speakers Bureau.
A SPEAKERS BUREAU.
Me.
The woman who gets more nervous as the audience gets bigger.
My kids were actually the ones who encouraged me to apply. So I did.
Then I got accepted.
Well...now what? 😂
I guess I have to speak.
But I’ve been thinking about that lately.
People see what you’ve learned to do and assume that’s naturally who you are.
They see you leading and assume you love being out front.
They see you talking to people and assume you’re outgoing.
They see you speaking and assume you aren’t nervous.
Meanwhile, inside, you might be thinking, Please don’t make me work this room.
That’s me.
Life and circumstances have stretched me over the years. I’ve had to learn how to walk into rooms when I was uncomfortable. Speak when I was nervous. Introduce myself when I really wanted somebody else to do it first. Lead when it would have been much easier to stay in the background.
I can do those things now.
That doesn’t mean they suddenly became comfortable.
Maybe that’s the part I’m finally understanding.
I don’t have to become an extrovert to do things that require me to be out front.
And being nervous about something doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.
Sometimes you just do it nervous.
Apparently, sometimes you even apply for the Speakers Bureau. 😂
And maybe there’s something else happening here too.
For years, one of the ways I used my voice was through writing.
Then life got busy and I stopped.
Now, during a season when I’m being challenged to use my voice in a different way, I suddenly feel like writing again.
I don’t know what that will look like yet.
I’m not making some big announcement that THE BLOG IS BACK!
That sounds like pressure I don't need. 😂
Maybe I’ll write once a month.
Maybe twice.
Maybe I’ll disappear for six weeks and come back because something happened that I just have to write about.
That actually sounds more like me.
So I’m not giving myself rules this time.
I’m just writing again.
And for my first time back, it seemed fitting to reintroduce myself with something most people apparently don’t believe about me.
I’m an introvert.
An introvert who leads.
An introvert who networks when she has to.
An introvert who has been on the radio.
An introvert who writes.
And now, apparently, an introvert who speaks.
Just don’t be surprised if I’m standing there waiting for you to introduce yourself first. 😂
